Markers and Mounds of Dirt

My life is like a graveyard.  Tombstones dedicated to dead things dot it's landscape. 

Mostly, these monuments point to dreams or desires I once hoped in or for.

A large, stone rendering of the comedy/tragedy masks takes center stage.  For as long as I can recall, I wanted to work as an actor.  Much of what I did and who I was, seemed wrapped up in this pursuit.  Speech.  Musical theatre.  Shakespeare.  A prestigious acting school in the heart of New York City.  What would my life look like without this creative outlet, this deep and driving passion?  I would have, at one time, answered with a single word, "Unfulfilled."

Yet, today, that dream is dead.  Along with many others.

A perfect family.
A storybook marriage read of in many a fairytale (but never seen in reality).
Fame and fortune.
The coveted 'Perfect Mommy' Award.
The Excellent Wife Trophy (and being viewed as a "trophy wife", but without the stigma that is attached to aforementioned title).
Glamour -- even in sweats, and while sweaty. (I have seen it done.) 
What some call 'Happiness," but actually mean when everything goes the way you want or think it ought.
Being a bridesmaid (insert pity here).
Etc.

The years of my life are checkered with markers - big and small - to dreams and desires.  Some have been hard to let go of...  Some have cost me much.  Some have caused me unspeakable pain.  And, some, I simply outgrew. 

However, each of these deaths have one commonality.  Freedom.  And, oddly, enough, real living. 

You see, the holes below these tombstones are empty.  Tears were shed.  Sorrow was certain.  But, only for a time.  I cannot long mourn over what never satisfied me.  I cannot grieve over emptiness forever.  For, these dreams, these desires were never enough.  Never.  They could not fill my soul...since, I could never fully achieve them.  I thank God for that, now.

Because, what I have seen in light of those vacant graves, is real hope.  Something to really hope in. 

In the midst of so many monuments to dead dreams, I met a Man who overcame death -- all death.  He sought me out.  He found me.  And, He gave me life - beyond the grave, both those I have dug and that which will be dug for me by another.  The Man's name is Christ, the Suffering Savior of this world.  He is Hope. 

And, I walk out of the shadow and darkness cast by those tombstones with HIM. 

"Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices;
My flesh also will dwell securely.
For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol;
Nor will allow Your Holy One to undergo decay.
You will make known to me the path of life;
In Your presence is fullness of joy;
In Your right hand there are pleasures forever."
-- Psalm 16:9-11

Today, if someone happened to ask what my life is like without achieving all that I had longed for, those once hoped in desires, I would answer, "Better than I could have ever imagined...or dreamed." 

Praise be to God.