Waiting for boxes...

Simple.  But, not easy.  Life – for the first time – one day at a time.  

Never before have I lived this way.

How did it happen?  To answer that, I must remember.  Before Russia, months ago, as I first considered this.  It began.  Layers of comfort peeled away.  The reality of leaving family, friends, “home”, a life I knew...  Entering into foreign lands: new culture, new language, new home, new life.  It began.

It continues.  Today is day 29 in our home without our things.  We live out of a suitcase.  There are almost no reminders of the life we led only a month ago…And, surprisingly, I have yet to master the Russian language.  In fact, I have the Russian vocabulary of a toddler -- on good days.  Perhaps, that is why I speak to very few adults.  J  Here, I am wife and mother.  I have no ministry titles or “jobs”.  My relationships are few.  My sphere of influence seems small. 

Little stuff.  Little people.  Little familiarity. 

To some, if only for a moment and maybe not out loud, my life appears empty.

YET, never in my whole existence have I been so full… So incredibly filled up.  Not by my stuff.  I don’t really have any.  Not by my home.  It’s not really mine, anyway.  Not by my relationships.  Not by the “experience” or adventure of it all.  That fades -- quickly.  Not by the roles I fill or the tasks I accomplish.  I just have to do them again, tomorrow.  Not by any thing or any person that this world offers.  I am filled by, I am satisfied in something far longer lasting, far more powerful, far bigger.  I have the God of the Universe as my constant Companion, my ultimate Provider and my kind Redeemer.  I have Christ.  He is enough.  He has always been enough. 

I see it every day. 

Here, I cannot plan.  I do not know what tomorrow will bring.  So, I live in this moment.  I live in the only moment I have – right now.  What do I do, right now?  How do I respond, right now?  Is this important, right now?  Lord, fix my eyes on you, right now.  Certainly, my days have a shape to them.  During the school week, I rise early – afterward, rousing the girls at 7:05.  We dress, eat breakfast and get Rory off to school.  Over an hour later, we are home again.  Claire and Jane are learning to read and write.  We play.  We visit the gym.  We walk to the market.  We wait for the oven repair man.  We tromp in the mounds of snow.  We are together.  In the afternoon, around 4, Rory arrives home from school.  There are hugs and excitement, amidst a background of chattering.  We catch up, have a snack and do homework.  Dinner, bath and usually, a card game follow (Old Maid is their current favorite).  And, at some point, Michael arrives home.  If he gets home by 7, we enjoy dinner together.  If not, Rory usually asks that we pray for his arrival before their bedtime.  And, really, this routine would have been unacceptable to me in the States.  I would have chaffed under the demands for flexibility.  I would have balked at the notion of such long days.  I would have, in my heart, asked, “What about me?  When do I get a break?  When will somebody serve me?”  Shamefully, I would have, and often did, forget Who it was that has served and continues to serve me.  Philippians 2:1-8 comes to mind…          

Life is different.  Simple, but not easy.  Without the clutter, I see more clearly.  I am a wife and mother.  My most important priorities stand before me: three small brunettes with big blue eyes and one lone man, strong and wise.  I have the opportunity to support, encourage and love them – in ways I never imagined… and, honestly, in ways I never considered.  Christ is my example.  His Spirit is my Strength.  That is enough.            

And, you know what’s incredible?  He is enough for all of us.  You see, for Michael, life is not simple or easy.  In addition, to the change in culture, language and location, Michael’s whole week is different from what he knew only a month ago. His job, his co-workers, his time outside of work are in vast contrast to what he has been accustomed to.  For instance, in Tennessee, we lived 20-30 minutes from his office.  Here, on a good day, with no traffic, he drives over an hour each way.  Most days, though, his commute takes far longer.  This Monday evening, it took him almost three hours to get home.  Pause to consider that.  But, after putting the girls in bed, what did he suggest we do?  I will tell you... He wanted to talk through Ruth with me.  Or, picture this.  After making a left turn in the wrong place, Michael is pulled over and put in the back of a police car; instead of panic, he starts to pray.  Even as the police officers explain that his license could be taken and his ability to drive suspended for six months, he does not freak out.  He makes a phone call, and 3000 Rubles later, he is released (with license and driving ability).  God’s mercy abounds.

Stories like these are pervasive… they always have been.  I guess I simply wasn’t paying attention; I was looking somewhere else… Most likely, at myself. 

YET, today, right now, I see.  I SEE God’s amazing goodness and His faithful care in a thousand different ways, from the seemingly insignificant to the absolutely incredible. 

I SEE.

And, I worship…

as I wait for boxes.