Questions

“By the rivers of Babylon,

There we sat down and wept,

When we remembered Zion.

Upon the willows in the midst of it

We hung our harps.

For there our captors demanded of us songs,

And our tormentors mirth, saying,

“Sing us one of the songs of Zion.”

How can we sing the LORD’S song

In a foreign land?” – Psalm 137 1-4

This was the text we thought was being exposited last Sunday, December 10^th, at Russia Bible Church in Moscow.  I say “thought” because the entire service was conducted in Russian…and, well, Michael and I don’t quite understand the language yet.  As I sat there, I considered verse 4.  How ironic… How profound.  How practical.  “Lord, how do we do this?” 

That is a frequent question that has flickered across my mind.

It is among many others.  How do I prepare my three seemingly fragile and small little girls for the vast change that awaits them?  New home, new church, new school…  Foreign language, foreign culture, foreign land…  How do I prepare myself?  “How, Lord?”

During our time in Russia, I also visited Rory’s new school -- British International School of Moscow.  It is small, and seems quite warm and sweet.  As a class of children rush past me toward the long anticipated world of Recess, I see eyes peeking out behind fur hoods, mitten clasping hands and puffy figures that look more like life size marshmallows than miniature persons.  I see the room where Rory would hang her backpack, coat and shoes.  I wonder…  Will someone befriend on her first day or will she be lonely and unsure?  What will Rory’s school bus ride be like in a city of 12 million people?  Will she be okay?  Wow… I’m really going to miss her…  I didn’t expect this, “How, Lord?”

As this was my first trip to Moscow, I was able to really see it, to be in it.  In many ways, Moscow reminds me of Manhattan: the size, the structure, the bustle.  Nashville and Moscow are quite different.  So, what will my day look like?  Will I do the things I am accustomed to -- go to the gym, the library, church activities, get together with friends…  Or, will my day be completely different?  Will I be able to navigate the busses and subways without losing Claire or Jane?  Will I know how to get back home?  What about when I get lost?  I must learn Russian…  A small voice asks, “How, Lord?”

The main portion of our visit, though, was spent looking at various apartments in the southern part of the city.  Our new digs are distinctly “Russian” and very cool – a four bedroom, 7^th floor apartment with a snow covered playground in the front.  This will be home for a while.  Yet, I want it to be more… a hotel to visitors, an extension of the church, a refuge, a place of rest, a mission field…   But, practically, “How, Lord?”

Now, back in Tennessee, I have a conversation with my husband.  Last night.  A dialogue that has nothing to do with Russia.  But, a lot to do with the heart.  A lot to do with the Gospel.  A lot to do with Jesus.  In the midst of this, Michael says (and I paraphrase), “If we do anything, even clean the kitchen (a.k.a., what I was doing at that moment) without reliance upon the Holy Spirit, and in our own strength, we sin.”  I flippantly say, “Well, then, I guess I need to repent.”  Smirk. 

And, slowly, graciously, the Lord presses upon my heart.  Why, yes, I do need to repent.  And, not just about my kitchen.  When, at what moment, did I start to try to do this on my own?  At what point, did I begin relying on me?  When did "How, Lord?" become, "How, Vadra?"

How, could I, Lord – knowing YOU – trust me?  I can’t.  I don’t even want to.  Forgive me.

Remember the church service, Sunday, over a week ago, in Moscow?  Afterward, Michael and I were told the actual Scripture text for the sermon: Psalm 138.  One off.

Yet, somehow, it is really absolutely perfect.  I am given answer to my question(s).  “How can we sing the Lord’s song in a foreign land?”  How will all this work?  How will we be okay?  Psalm 138 is my answer. 

“I will give You thanks with all my heart;

I will sing praises to You before the gods.

I will bow down toward Your holy temple

And give thanks to Your name for your lovingkindness and Your truth;

For You have magnified Your word according to your name.

On the day I called, You answered me;

You made me bold with strength in my soul.

All the kings of the earth will give thanks to You, O LORD,

When they have heard the words of your mouth

And they will sing of the ways of the Lord,

For great is the glory of the Lord.

For though the Lord is exalted,

Yet He regards the lowly,

But the haughty He knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, You will receive me;

You will stretch forth Your hand against the wrath of my enemies,

And Your right hand will save me.

The Lord will accomplish what concerns me;

Your lovingkindness, O LORD, is everlasting;

Do not forsake the works of Your hands.”  

The Answer:  The Lord will do it.  He will do all that is needed.  And, He will give me ALL that I need.  Praise Him.